Eric Woods and Casey Blackburn have been best friends since college and are even trying to make it in the weird world of Hollywood together. During one of the shoots of the show they both work on, A+ list manager, Xander Blair, sets his sights on Casey and invites her and her friends out for the night, which for Eric turns out to be a night he'll never forget.
Your characters do not have descriptions. You need more visuals. The way you describe Casey on page 9 works.
Page 2 – the karaoke scene comes into play later on. Why not have them guess Hailey Rodgers? That could be a callback to an earlier scene. Also, a talking point for when Eric meets her.
Page 14 - the characters find out what happened to the singer from the opening but the audience already...
The scenes are well written and they flow nicely. it is a brisk pace which works very well for the genre. The dialog...
Lots of grammatical and spelling mistakes...
So, is this work for you?
Does this work for you, not is.
The group heads over to what turns out to be an ELEVATOR
located in one of the hallways. It's blocked by another
bouncer, but he lets them in as soon as he sees Casey.
Elevator does not need to be capitalized in this instance....