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Meat The Family + Meat My Uncle Short Story 37 pgs.

short

Have you ever wanted to know what's out there? This will tell you.

Approved
Nominee
Draft #3
Peer Rating: 29%
Industry Rating: 7%
Action/Adventure,Comedy,Horror | 9 Reviews | 16 pages | 1 year ago | Draft 3

Summary

This family may be a normal everyday family.. but you wouldn't know it from this tale told about a mans past by the man. this crazy tale talks about this mans family and childhood. read and you shall find that no one is as they seem.

Industry Reviews

The ambition to tell this story is strong and present throughout the script. However, the story itself is incoherent. One of the reasons is the lack of proper formatting. The alignment of the dialogue and the spacing make it extremely hard to read the script, and doesn't follow proper screenwriting formatting.

However, there is a story here and with the proper formatting it would be much easier to provide feedback. Some grammar and misspellin...

1 month ago | read more...
Script Mother Top Reviewer

Peer Reviews

I hate to write reviews like this. I want to say, first and foremost, that this is my honest feedback. I'm sorry if it sounds mean, that's not my intention. This story is a story that's hard to get into. I would say mainly because of the format you presented it in.

I would recommend free screenwriting programs like Celtx and Writerduet, which is what I used. It was hard to really decipher what exactly was going on and who was saying what. And...

1 month ago | read more...
There are a few things I would like to address so I shall do it in dot point form.
• Firstly, you make no effort to establish what each character believes. You do make a slight effort, however, to tell the audience what they want. In order to create great characters, I suggest you figure out what each character truly believes, wants and needs. I would look to the internet on how to create great characters with great character arcs. In creating...

1 month ago | read more...
The story is interesting and I did like it overall. For a bit I thought I was reading the dialogue of a stand up act, then I thought it was a stage play because it reads more like that then a movie script to me. You will need to look at other scripts and check out online videos etc regarding the formatting of scripts. You're script has no script formatting in it at all. Don't give up on this just work on it including another edit pass because lik...

1 month ago | read more...
WL Wright Top Reviewer
The author has a talent for writing dialogue and the main character’s monologue, replete with theatrical setting is quite gripping. Page ten leads into a flash back type scene (which needs to be made a little clearer) and once again the dialogue and character interaction work very well. By page 16 things are beginning to get very weird and also very interesting and most certainly there’s enough of a hook to keep you reading. It should be noted th...

1 month ago | read more...
While internal thoughts work well in short stories, oftentimes they don't translate well to scripts. Scripts should be more about what the audience can directly see and hear. The audience is stuck in James Jones' head for longer than they should be. The idea of the dual perspectives of Young James and James Jones is great. However, the older James ends up narrating too much and takes away from the dialogue and scenes in front of us. There can be...

1 month ago | read more...
I honestly don't know where to begin. It's obvious that you wrote this in a Word program and just pasted it. There is no formatting at all, that I can tell, which makes it very hard to read as a script. An example is the title page; it should be completely separate from the rest of the script. You don't introduce characters in the right fashion. At the beginning, you need to introduce the "MAN" as who he is; so it should have read:

The s...

1 month ago | read more...
All in all, this was a very entertaining tale. I feel that your real strength lies in your sense of humor, I had a couple of laugh out loud moments - especially the joke about the 2016 Oscars. The dialog, at times was very witty - even some of the times when it did not flow as smoothly, it did not take me out of the story as they were speaking in a way that would be consistent with how aliens are typically portrayed speaking.

The main thi...

1 month ago | read more...
The formatting makes it unnecessarily challenging to read, but it's seems as though you know formatting, so perhaps this is a software issue. Consider looking into a free software to make things easier for both you and the reader in the future.

The lack of slugline in the introduction makes it difficult to understand where we are. The mention of the many faces-- are we zooming in on a man in a crowd? Who's then lighting a cigarette? The spacia...

1 month ago | read more...
Alyssa Jefferson Top Reviewer
Now this is my first review and trust that I do not mean to talk down, or even know what the hell I am talking about. But because of that, you get a real viewpoint from just a plain old dude who likes films. Also, I am doing this as I read it, so that anything that needs clarification for its meaning or description - makes sense chronologically.


The intro is overly dramatic with poor word choice in dialogue- nobody actually speaks like that....

1 month ago | read more...
Was this story original? Was the concept strong enough? Definitely! Every little part of it was wonderfully told and information about characters, places, etc. was gradually revealed and their timing couldn't have been better.

From the beginning, it gets a bit confusing. There should have been bigger parts of the story to introduce the characters (more than there already has), but especially to set the reader in the tone of the script and the...

1 month ago | read more...

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