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A washed-up boxing trainer finds new hope in an unlikely protege: An inflatable bop clown.

Draft #2
Draft #2
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Comedy | 5 Reviews | 16 pages | 5 months ago | Draft 2


Bruce is a washed-up boxing trainer who happens upon some children beating an inflatable "bop clown", and sees "his" potential as a boxing contender. The comedy comes is in the surreal relationship between this silent, inanimate object and the people around it who treat it like any other person. Most scenes are written to be extremely serious, but are hilarious when the inanimate protagonist is taken into account. There is a strong focus on building the relationship between the bop clown, and his trainer and fitting the arc of their friendship into a 16 page script. After their meteoric rise through the local boxing circuit, a decision must be made between loyalty to your ideals, and protecting those you care about.


this script is ridiculous, in the best possible way. I'm sure this is supposed to be a spoof of something like Creed, but it feels a lot like Logan, at least the two lead characters do. the dialogue is crisp and real, the visual comedy is hilarious and easily imaginable. the final pages, from Bop getting shot to the end, are absolutely amazing, and heartfelt and emotional and tragic. if I absolutely have to nitpick, this script is going for spoof...

5 months ago |
Concept is good but could be made better.
The script certainly started well. It hooked me but as it progresses, its shortcomings creeps in and that is just the shortcomings of the writer.
The dialogue is good but could be better.
The action/description is nice but could be made better.
The protagonists are interesting. Bruce and Bop clown are outstanding but a few things are out of place in them.
It's a comedy script, I get it. It's somethin...

5 months ago |
The material was well-written and the format looked good to me. I felt that the dialogue was solid. Much of it was catchy though some of it seemed a little too expositional. However with a short you have to get that information in there somehow and don’t have a lot of time to do it in. The story flowed well and was easy to follow. All the images were clear and concise. I could see the scenes unfold. There were a few typos: "This might wo...

5 months ago |
First, the structure of the story is on point. There is a clear three-act structure, several challenges Bruce, the protagonist, must overcome, and even a twist at the end. The pace is steady and it never bores the reader. The ending image mirrors the opening image and leaves the reader feeling warm.

Bruce's character is developed nicely, most of it during one-sided conversations with BOP, a Bop clown, his protégé. The reader is given a glimpse...

4 months ago |
This is a pretty decent story which is very well written, not just in the sense that it reads well and fluidly, but also that it reads very visually; which is what is to be expected from a screenplay. It is nice to be able to interpret a screenplay off the page instead of, as often is from aspiring writers, only getting an impression of what is going on. So, again, it's pleasing to read a script, like Bop, and get what's going on off the page....

4 months ago |
Damian Rzymski Top Reviewer

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