Trey goes through Southside Jamaica, Queens dealing with the standard baby momma drama, systemic racism, and socio-economic disenfranchisement, but little does he know that this is the last day of his life.
SummaryTaking place on one of the last Saturday's of the summer, "Southside" is a hood drama that follows Trey as he goes through the motions of being a father, boyfriend, and friend, living in Southside.
A culmination of my own experiences, stories I've collected in my life growing up in Southside Jamaica, Queens and sprinkles of my favorite hood classics. This script began as an homage to one of my favorite films, Spike Lee's "Do The Right Thing", but ended up becoming a very personal cathartic experience.
The script stays true to the hood's vernacular, so it has a heavy use of slang (NOT TYPOS, MISSPELLINGS OR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS). I also provided music cues that set the vibe for several moments -- they aren't necessary to understand the scenes but give a little more immersion for what was felt while writing.
I hope you won't consider this a waste of your points. I have reviewed this script before and everything I wrote here before still holds. Concept, story, dialogue, structure, actions, beginning, ending. They are good.
But now, it is definitely better.
SOUTHSIDE is a gripping and powerful reflection of the continuous trials and hardships that most minorities (specifically, African-Americans) in a poverty-stricken, “projects, “ in America, both past and present, face on a daily basis. Highlighting police brutality and corruption as its central theme, while creating a realistic world that isn’t sugar-coated; Southside depicts a raw depiction of what thug-life, the life of many who live in the projects, are forced to face and tread through as they live out their lives.
STRENGTHS: Thematically, the script is a wise chosen path to venture, considering the Nicholl fellowship loves scripts that explore relevant themes. I would recommend the writer to keep honing in his craft and complete several more drafts of this script before submitting to the Nicholl screenwriting competition. This is a reasonable and obtainable goal, considering how much potential, Southside, has as a good story that has the could be compelling, but needs a bit more development. Furthermore, the writer has a nice ability to write compelling dialogue, at times. I can tell that with more experience and time at writing, the writer will only get better, and will stand out as a serious contender to consider as an artist and voice in the industry. A lot of passion went into this script, and the writer shouldn’t feel discouraged. I recommend the writer not to seek out “paid-for-services” and instead find platforms that offer continuous free feedback, for now.
WEAKNESSES: Plot-wise, we don’t get much of a differentiation from what we’ve seen before with similar films, such as, Menace to Society, Boyz in the Hood, both, world-renowned films rooted in a deep understanding of the culture and roots of that lifestyle, in which we have already seen the on-goings of, and most noteworthy, these worlds were delivered in a highly impactful and cinematic way by esteemed writers, and directors… I could see, Southside finding success on the independent front. This film could be produced very cheaply, and I would even suggest the writer consider producing this himself and directing it. Submitting to festivals in the future could lead to some interest if the script were to “get there,” as mentioned before. I applaud the writer for the theme choice, it’s great, and sheds light on a tough subject matter, that definitely should be spotlighted, however, from a film perspective, we need something fresh and new to the idea, or at least, the way it is presented, in my opinion.
the concept is really strong there is a clear idea of the story and sets up is well done.
We immediately get into the story thanks to the flashback early in the story. But without the flashback, the story drags a little bit just the fact that he goes to work already takes 15 to 20 pages.
In term of the scenes, I had a hard time with the intercut, it was very confusing as it hard to focus on two locations at the same time when reading. It's the same for the cut, fade in and music. Everything should be dealt with during production.
You should develop a bit more on the antagonist instead of a scene like Swag and the Babies who last long and doesn't really advance the story.
the main character is very compelling we feel for him and his sorrow. You could maybe cut short some of the scene like with Cece and hustler since it's a minor role and focus on Tremaine or Roc.