The Hobo (Draft 2)
A homeless jerk wins the lottery.
Meet Carl. He's a middle aged man who's a master at being an obnoxious jerk and hurting everyone who has made the mistake of knowing him. After a multitude of horriby ill advised mistakes costs him everything, he finds himself homeless for 8 years. Thats until one random drunken evening he luckily wins a 400 million dollar lottery ticket. So, now that Carl is back on his feet, how will he make use of his new found wealth? Who knows, maybe being homeless made him a better person....or maybe not.
Scenes are better written now. The way the flash back sequence goes now is definitely better. Our protagonist is definitely compelling. He drives the story. Dialogue is good but could be better. Conflict is real enough. Pacing is good but could be better. The climax is good. And the stage directions are gone. That's a good start. The script read...
Also, plot wise there isn't much be...
The concept is not very thrilling or compelling. Okay, some jack ass wins millions. I don't really care what happens after that. Maybe adding something in there to give your logline and concept a boost might work wonders.
Carl seems to wander around aimlessly causing trouble wherever he goes. There's no purpose in his m...