A woman with no self esteem or identity, meets the woman she's always wanted to be.
Summary1. This is a CHARACTER STUDY not 3-Act-Structure.
2. This contains scenes many will find offensive. So, if you have PC tendencies, don't waste your time or my points. Because I will give you a deserved one star for being a script fascist.
3. This is not the type of script you can breeze through. You have to have an acting and director cap to understand each scene. Because the study is not spelled out in poor exposition.
3a) Here's a hint to understanding. Answer the following question and you're well on your way to knowing what's going on. What does the xbox scene mean? If you can't figure this out, you won't get anything else.
4. I like to shoot my own material. So, this isn't something I'm going to be shopping. I'm just looking for intelligent reviews. Which I haven't even come close to receiving so far.
5. My punctuation sucks. But, you could probably tell that from what I wrote above. But, you can still understand it. So...
This is a hell of a pitch.
Alright. I want to be honest but at the same time I don't want to be an ass.
The concept is not very good but it could be made better.
The first ten pages are not interesting. It didn't draw me in.
The protagonist is good but not compelling enough. Scenes are not very good. Some of it actually. The pacing is nice. But could be better. The ending is good not perfect.
Sorry to say this but the script didn't read well. I was struggling to understand some of it. But I think I got most of it.
(sigh) Ok... where do I start?
So the concept was original but executed so poorly and inconsistently convoluted that I didn't know what to think of it by the end.
Let’s start at the end. When and how did Rachel poison her? There was structurally no way for that to work, it just happens. I had to reread that page about 4 times to make sure I didn’t misread something. MAJOR plothole. And those final pages don’t fit the story at all. It doesn’t make sense that Rachel was so loving to Sam in her afterlife when she just found out that Sam was a serial killer cannibal that murdered her boo thing and was contemplating murdering her too. Then, that whole segment of bringing her to the farm and spreading her ashes (after saving some of the ash and placing it in a locket that has the pictures of Rachel’s parents) was so cliche, but a cliche from a whole other genre... No, just no. She just got peed on before stabbing and pan frying her sexually abusive exhusband’s thigh meat -- the followup to that is not a wholesome heartfelt moment. You can’t go from twisted, sex-crazed horror thriller to Sunday afternoon Hallmark channel movie in a few scenes pages.
Speaking of the sex craziness… I guess she finds some sexual pleasure in eating flesh (this 17-year-old out when she begins to masturbate at the lawyer's office and climaxes on a piece of sausage) but is never explained as to why. I use that example to caveat into the plethora of sexual cues dropped throughout the script, most feeling completely unnecessary with no driving forward of the story. Like, why did she grab her crotch so much? Did the cable woman need to check her butt out, unbutton her top button and perk her breast up when it goes unnoticed by Sam and has no payoff in the story? It felt like there were moments on provocation just for the sake of being provocative, even if it was to the detriment of the story and logical continuity.
The flashbacks felt unnecesary for the most part. We get it, we get it… Her ex husband treated her like a piece of meat. They just seemed to show an abusive Dom/sub dynamic, which could’ve been done in one well placed and formatted flashback, not the 5 or 6 random ones sprinkled throughout.
Another unnecessary scene -- her playing basketball. It made no sense in the context of the story and served no purpose. Again, more randomness without an actual payoff.
I don’t really understand the voices aspect of the story. Are they actually present or just a manifestation of her imagination? It’s never expounded on whether they’re there or not and what their obsession with the conservation of their human flesh is. It just feels random at a certain point instead of a steady plot point.
That leads me to the mints/pills thing… Are they mints or prescription pills? You flip between the two throughout the script, at one moment she’s taking them and supressing the voices, the next Rachel is popping them at work like they’re candy. It really became confusing when Larry took one then freaks out on Sam for having them. It didn’t make sense.
... and yea. I don’t know if I get the Xbox scene. I read it as her taking on some of the interest and traits of the people she’s killed OR not being able to control the voices in her head and being beholden to their word, but that never really manifests itself in the script, except maybe her having more ownership in her sexuality like Denise hinted at having -- but I don’t know. It was either too cryptically delivered or just not executed properly.