Identity crisis Short

By Rampota

After losing the only love of her life, a transgender loses all hope finding love again and kills herself.

Rating

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Genre: Drama
No. Reviews: 1 | Length: 23 pages
Published: 2 weeks ago

Summary

In Africa, a part of the world where transgenders hide themselves forever, Victoria was no different. All her life, the one thing she wanted was to love and be loved. Her father rejected her. She had no friends growing up. But then a time came when she found love or so she thought and lost it.

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REVIEWS

The script in my opinion should have italics for instructions and font or type sizes for dialogue. It was hard to follow in some instances because I was trying to read the instructions but thought I was in the dialogue. I believe the transitions could be better especially if you are going from a room to a hospital delivery room. Some grammatical errors that can be cleaned up and smooth out some of the dialogue can make a great story.
In the hospital room you start out being redundant...if you say a woman is in labor, then we pretty much can assume its child birth. Father whispering to his wife should be dialogue which would give the story some depth in the beginning. Baby is wrapped. I love the idea of Victor/Victoria voicing the early part over but I think it you should play with it starting out as one or the other and then going back and forth. When he is a boy he should be Victor.
When sitting in the house at age 7 Victoria talks about her parents loving her... where did that come from? Why?
The Doctors dialogue can be cleaned up a little, a little better flow.
The dialogue with Mother and Father is good, love it, truly felt it!
When Victor is listening and recalling it...what are you showing?
Mother was great like most mothers are...have you thought about switching the roles...because you know dads love their girls! Just a thought for you.
Victoria in a suit...Victoria being a reporter on the street came out of no where again this is where maybe a transition can be helpful.
When Victoria meets Samantha it got very interesting and the story took feet and begin to walk on its on. Getting to this point is the hard work.
Check you grammar, make sure the tenses are the same eat/eats, ate. Try to also remove some of the extra words out whether they are instructions/directions or dialogue.
I think I would like to see less V.O. but I am not sure about it, maybe lessen it a little. Trousers are plural
The rest of the story is good with a few grammatical errors...so check that out.

  • 2 weeks ago
  • |
  • 2.25