After losing the only love of her life, a transgender loses all hope finding love again and kills herself.
SummaryIn Africa, a part of the world where transgenders hide themselves forever, Victoria was no different. All her life, the one thing she wanted was to love and be loved. Her father rejected her. She had no friends growing up. But then a time came when she found love or so she thought and lost it.
The script in my opinion should have italics for instructions and font or type sizes for dialogue. It was hard to follow in some instances because I was trying to read the instructions but thought I was in the dialogue. I believe the transitions could be better especially if you are going from a room to a hospital delivery room. Some grammatical errors that can be cleaned up and smooth out some of the dialogue can make a great story.
In the hospital room you start out being redundant...if you say a woman is in labor, then we pretty much can assume its child birth. Father whispering to his wife should be dialogue which would give the story some depth in the beginning. Baby is wrapped. I love the idea of Victor/Victoria voicing the early part over but I think it you should play with it starting out as one or the other and then going back and forth. When he is a boy he should be Victor.
When sitting in the house at age 7 Victoria talks about her parents loving her... where did that come from? Why?
The Doctors dialogue can be cleaned up a little, a little better flow.
The dialogue with Mother and Father is good, love it, truly felt it!
When Victor is listening and recalling it...what are you showing?
Mother was great like most mothers are...have you thought about switching the roles...because you know dads love their girls! Just a thought for you.
Victoria in a suit...Victoria being a reporter on the street came out of no where again this is where maybe a transition can be helpful.
When Victoria meets Samantha it got very interesting and the story took feet and begin to walk on its on. Getting to this point is the hard work.
Check you grammar, make sure the tenses are the same eat/eats, ate. Try to also remove some of the extra words out whether they are instructions/directions or dialogue.
I think I would like to see less V.O. but I am not sure about it, maybe lessen it a little. Trousers are plural
The rest of the story is good with a few grammatical errors...so check that out.
I am going to go through this review similar to a checklist. Starting with the concept which I might say is original and not corresponding with any other movie/short story I have ever seen, but I don't watch these types of movies so I'm not sure. The logline/first ten pages drew me in mainly because I wanted to know how the character was going to commit suicide, but not because of the bathroom scene that was worthless to the story. Some scenes are well written and properly choreographed; some. The script did provide a sort of compelling character that developed traits similar to what normal people experience so I can give that. The conflict is genuine and like some situations that people have to go through and her situations kept racking up so props on that. The climax, the thing that everyone looks forward in the end and leans to especially if we know that Victor might kill himself at the end; which he does. I mean, it's pretty climatic. Overall, the script went nowhere a lot and that if some altercations were made this could have been a good short story, but with the "Bob hired me to make pornography" thing that we were left with was like a Disney villain scheme out of nowhere that made no sense and was just a half-assed reason for his life to be destroyed. I think things could have been different and with changes, this will become a great story.
I really loved Victoria character. Being part of the LGBTQ community myself a lot of the fears she had and the hesitation about loving and letting someone get close to you resonated with me. I'm sure there are plenty of people regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity will connect with her.