Wanna See



A young woman finds out that the biological father she's never known is terminally ill. One of his final requests is to see her before he passes.

Draft #1
Draft #3
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Drama | 3 Reviews | 8 pages | 9 months ago | Draft 3


A touching short about a father and daughter relationship that only gets a chance to blossom towards the end if the father's life.


This was nice. It just needs to be thought out much more. For a first draft, this has all the basics. But, now it's time to get down into the charcters, and this version has two major problems -

1) All the dialogue is on-the-nose.
2) The reasoning behind Roland not being in Lily’s life is very thin, and completely unconvincing.

Also, when she's talking to Tim on the phone he's (OS) or (OC) not (VO). He is interacting with her. But, that...

8 months ago |
Van Lutz Top Reviewer
A gripping drama about a girl who resents her real father for abandoning her, but then when she realizes why and that he had been anonymously in touch with her over the years, she forgives him.

I’m thinking that structure works, except the ending and Lily’s reversal of emotions came too fast. She should struggle a bit more and feel a terrible loss (that she had hated him for no reason or for not a very good reason). Maybe a few more lines of...

8 months ago |
On the issue of concept, it is not strong enough.
Quite true, the beginning got me to sit but as it progresses, disappointment creeps in.
About the scenes, they are well written with a clear sense of purpose.
And the protagonist is an intriguing character. Finding out about her past made her all the more interesting. Honestly I do feel for her but more could be done to feel more.
The dialogue is good and much of it drives the story.

8 months ago |

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