A famous author experiences a terrifying past-life Auschwitz memory that launches her on a life-altering journey into the unknown, and discovers the man she just met is anything but ordinary when she unearths a long hidden secret, evidence so profound that it will change everything.
SummaryEON follows the incarnations of several unknowingly connected individuals (soul family), focusing on two specifically (male and female leads), while utilizing past-life hypnotic regressions as the story vehicle.
The story-line, based in 1993 NYC, travels to challenging moments in relevant character history, including Auschwitz and Atlantis, while addressing reoccurring conflicts during several lifetimes.
The story is unique, never been done, with lots of hints and hidden clues, and a holy shit twist at the end!
The Key to identifying characters: the same first letter of the first name, throughout all incarnations, identifies each soul.
A lot of research went into EON; we wanted to get it right, a fictional story based on a very enlightening reality.
We're in the shopping process, searching for that One person; a Producer, an Agent, an Actor, someone that believes in EON as much a we do.
Give it a read … And maybe you’ll ask yourself; who was I in a past life?
This is an elaborate and thoroughly conceived story. I can tell you did a lot of research and worked out the multiple past lives but the plot of this script is discovery. Discovery is about people and their quest to understand themselves, a search to understand something fundamental about themselves. When your characters find out about past lives, how does that fundamentally change them? It’s knowledge. But nothing about their lives change. Think about Indiana Jones. He learns about the Arc of the Covenant and witnesses supernatural events. But he is still the same person even with this new knowledge (he doesn’t become religious, etc).
Now if you made this movie from the perspective of HOME and the souls, then we could appreciate their goals and struggles (rather than reveal them near the end of the script). In the movie Defending Your Life, we are sent back if we haven’t shown that we have overcome our fears. In your script your souls go to HOME and then hang out and learn and choose to go back and experience something. But that is like choosing which item on the menu you want to eat. It’s an experience but there isn’t a fundamental change that transforms them. And in every movie we expect our protagonist to go through some kind of transformation. Otherwise it’s just a day/year in their lives. And we live that kind of life already. So we expect a vicarious experience when we watch a characters transformation or discovery. Do you think you delivered that vicarious experience? It sounds like it in your pitch. But there are some key things missing in your script.
There is no tension or conflict in this script! There is harrowing experiences but they are avoidable. We don’t need to have regression therapy. If you don’t have tension then it will never be interesting to anyone. We want to see Helen overcome a major problem and have something block her success and then discover the key. You know after reading that line Helen doesn’t go through any of that. For example she doesn’t fear the knowledge that the memories might reveal. Imagine if she feared them but they haunt her so much that she is compelled to confront them. There has to be a sense of proportion between the degree of the revelation and the struggle she had to get it. In this story no one is struggling mightily so the audience does not appreciate the “holy shit twist at the end”. It’s like stumbling into Heaven. Good for you but you can’t tell us how you got there! What a terrible story that would be to tell everyone! Wow, how did you find Heaven again? “I don’t know, I just ran into the pearly gates”. Ho hum. There is no struggle for the journey thus no reward in the discovery! You have to up the stakes for us to be invested in their discovery. It’s that simple. The melodramatic montages at the end is not felt by us because the stakes were… information. Not loss of life or the inability to function in society. Just revealing there is a connection, but no wisdom from those past lives.
If feels like the plot took over your character’s story arc. Once that happens you lose proportion. Meaning this type of script, with the discovery plot, is all about the characters and their journey. If the story feels mechanically driven by the plot, then the audience will not feel emotionally invested in their discovery.
I have a lot of experience with this subject matter as my family were Spiritualists. So I was really looking forward to see what you did with it. I hope you'll see I was really into your script thus my long review and notes. You’ll read that there is some key things missing but I think you can really make this into a compelling script. Keep at it!
I have to say, 122 pages is pretty long for a script, but it's moreso due to the novel'esq style of description over the actual necessity of the story being so drawn out. This could be cut down at least 30 pages without losing any of the synopsis points I fleshed out.
Although there were plenty of attempts to describe the world in the action lines, it played out as a bunch of pretty words describing feelings and settings -- while the dialogue was just way too expository. It felt like everyone was always explaining themselves, to people they've just met, people they know and even people that should their the situation better than them.
There are also a ton of unnecessary camera directions, like swipe transitions, close-ups and the like. Unless you're planning on directing this yourself it'd be best practice to cut all of those out unless they're necessary to push the story forward (which none of them were).
And the number of montages was ridiculous. It was somewhere around 20 or so of them and only 2 gave any value to the story, the rest were just highlights of a city or a cab ride. Montages should have a purpose and not just fill up space on the page.
There is a Lord of the Rings number of characters (none with any actual introductions, just names) that only appear to say a few lines or just for the sake of being there. This could be significantly cut down by combining their dialogues, as the characters were unnecessary.
For long periods of time, I was waiting for something to just happen (specifically during the life between lives segment), for almost 30 pages it just dumped information. There were pages upon pages of exposition with nothing taking place. It dragged along and made the read less enjoyable and more laborious.