Wanna See
0

77 lives

Short

How many lives does it take to find love?

Approved
Rating is only available to members
Comedy | 6 Reviews | 24 pages | 9 months ago | Draft 1

Summary

Ground Hog Day meets Ghost Story in a Twilight Zone like world.

Reviews

- Is the Concept strong/original?
The story was original and had an interesting ending (although I don't think it worked for the actual script). I don't feel it actually fit the genre of romantic comedy, but it has the potential to take advantage of some opportunities. With some more detailed character development, it could either be a stronger rom-com or with a few changes in the story it could be a cool buddy comedy.

- Does the logline/firs...

7 months ago | read more...
For starters, I believe you have a great imagination to come up with such a story. I enjoyed the start of the story because it immediately drew me in with them rolling down the hill. I also like the fact that you didn't waste time revealing that Olivia and Kirk had lived another lifetime. I enjoyed the story from start to finish and especially enjoyed the plot reveal at the end.
Now...what I didn't particularly care for was how long it took fo...

7 months ago | read more...
Michael White Top Reviewer
I think the script is very engaging and interesting plot. There are a few minor structure issues but still able to understand the stript. Some of the dialogue could use some fixing but still not bad.
On page 10 you reference a Heath in the action line, despite there being no character in the scene name Heath. You may want to take a look at that line:

"Heath motions the Queen close and whispers a secret into her ear - She gasps and jumps ba...

6 months ago | read more...
I really feel that this would benefit from being longer, either a feature or a TV show, with them facing a new problem each week. This would give us more time to understand the relationship between the two main characters and give them more interesting dialogue.
These are supposed to be a couple arguing and bickering in the way loving married couples do, but at the moment it's not coming across like that, though it is close.
If you work on y...

5 months ago | read more...
Concept is good although the story can be executed in a much better way.
The first ten pages did kept me going but merely because of my curiosity to know how it ends.
The protagonist are interesting.
Dialogue is good but could be better.
Plot is not very good.
Climax is good.
And cupid showing up, I didn't see that coming.

5 months ago | read more...
“Two bodies tumbling and rolling down a hill of tall grass. Both dressed like eighteen-hundred’s cowboys. Once they stop moving KIRK, 29, jumps up franticly looking for a stick to write calculations in the dirt.”
Are they not the same people who tumbled down a hill? You would say Kirk and Olivia are going down the hill. You also only describe what they are wearing and ages, what about their attitudes? Accents? You said 1800’s so why is this rel...

2 months ago | read more...
Chase Doerscher Top Reviewer

Recommended for You

Dog Person
Short
Can a man become a dog lover just to live in harmony with his wife? The answer is more complicated than it appears...
A clown looking for a kids birthday is harassed by a homeless man.
What would you do with a second chance?