77 lives Short

By jeff-lewis

How many lives does it take to find love?


Rating is only available to members
Genre: Comedy
Downloads: 2
No. Reviews: 1 | Length: 24 pages

Published: 3 weeks ago


Ground Hog Day meets Ghost Story in a Twilight Zone like world.

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The Importance of Clowning Around Short

- Is the Concept strong/original?
The story was original and had an interesting ending (although I don't think it worked for the actual script). I don't feel it actually fit the genre of romantic comedy, but it has the potential to take advantage of some opportunities. With some more detailed character development, it could either be a stronger rom-com or with a few changes in the story it could be a cool buddy comedy.

- Does the logline/first ten pages draw the reader?
The logline works, but the first few pages don't set anything up besides their circumstance, not the underlying romance.

- Are scenes well-written?
There are some lapses in continuity but nothing too confusing. The scenes are well thought out but again, don't give too much context to the ultimate payoff in the final scene.

- Is the protagonist/antagonist compelling enough?
I have to assume that Olivia is the protagonist since she is the one who ultimately learns the lesson in the end, but I actually felt more compelled to know what would happen to Kirk.

- Does the character drive the story?
Without the closing scene, I'd have to say no, but the payoff makes the rest of the character development make sense (I feel like the payoff wasn't warranted for the character dynamics).

- Does the dialogue drive the story/character?
The dialogue is fitting -- there were some attempts to drive some of the comedy within the dialogue, but it felt like a reach at times.

- Is the conflict real/genuine?
The conflict (at least the one that pays off in the end) isn't introduced until page 21 of the 24 page short. It's not until this moment that anything makes sense of this being a romantic comedy. It could've been introduced a bit more seamless and definitely needed to be introduced earlier in the story.

- Pacing
The pacing is fair, but there are points where things just seem to be done for the sake of exposition instead of driving the story forward.

- Does the Climax/Resolution satisfy the reader?
Not really. I honestly thought it was going to end with them actually never have been on any of the adventures and just have been mental patients in the asylum the last scene was set in. The twist was a surprise but not much of a payoff since they didn't have much romantic tension besides the jealousy of Kirk and no sexual tension at all -- essentially I didn't care that they fell in love.

- Does the script read well?
It was an easy read but there were plenty of structural/formatting errors and several typos. It didn't affect the story much, so it was easily followed but didn't read all that well from a technical perspective.

  • 12 hours ago
  • |
  • 2.25

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