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The Importance of Clowning Around

Short

A clown looking for a kids birthday is harassed by a homeless man.

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Comedy | 5 Reviews | 10 pages | 7 months ago | Draft 1

Summary

While lost, looking for a birthday party, Lubu is approached by a homeless man. The man, Sammy, offers to help Lubu, as long as Lubu demonstrates his juggling. Sammy then has the idea that he will be Lubu's assistant at the party. They spend they're walk debating the idea.

Reviews

The first thing I noticed, and I think all readers will notice, is how much dialogue there is here and how little action there is here. Besides the 2 juggling scenes and the murder scene this is basically all dialogue. Have I ever even seen a movie with so much dialogue that does not develop plot as such? I'm pretty sure I haven't. Or have I even seen so much dialogue that did actually develop plot? Again, the answer is most likely no. No movie o...

6 months ago | read more...
It was a nice story with a cool twist. A bit unbelievable in Lubu's case, but I played along. It was VERY dialogue heavy, but the dialogue was sharp, so it didn't feel heavy.

Not sure if I'd consider this a comedy though, there were some intended laughs, but nothing I'd describe as comedic. The ending made it more of a slasher/thriller (I'm assuming he has and is gonna do some more murdering in his life).

It was well written. The pacing wa...

6 months ago | read more...
The dialogue is very good, and well structured to build a really fun story.
The idea of a homeless man luring a clown in by simple conversation to assume his identity for a warm afternoon and a bite to eat is very fun and original.
The character development is well done too, it's easy to understand who Lubu is as a person outside of the make-up, and Sammy's motivations, as well as his methods to achieve his goals, are clear, concise, and cle...

2 months ago | read more...
I would personally rate your script good for the following reasons:

THEME. If your theme was "Don't talk to strangers" then you have succeeded! It came across clearly and was conveyed in an unusual way (understand original, which is good).
STRUCTURE. You stick to a clear structure which makes your story easy to follow and effective.
CONCEPT. Your concept is interesting because of the contrast between the supposedly funny characters and the d...

2 weeks ago | read more...
The concept is very wild and I don't believe the obscurity of the story paid off. It's an unclear story with no solid themes and no intriguing direction.

The concept is strange but I gave it 'Fair' because it is indeed a creative idea. However, just because it's creative does not mean it's good. The concept of a clown on his way to a child's birthday party could be very interesting, however the execution was poor and left me feeling absolutely...

1 week ago | read more...

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