An archeologist survives a plane crash on his way to Egypt, only to find himself in the middle of a nuclear missile crisis.
SummaryKorean-American archeologist Alex Kim temporarily leaves his pregnant wife in Chicago to visit an excavation site in Egypt. During the flight, two 'proclaimed' government agents inform all the passengers that a terrorist is on board and they need to make an arrest. The passenger seating next to Alex becomes extremely uneasy as the two agents walk closer. The suspicious man whispers something into Alex's ears and then detonates several bombs inside the plane, causing the plane to crash. Alex survives the crash but notices first responders killing the rest of the survivors. Alex manages to run away but he is in the middle of the Saharan Desert. As he fight for his survival, he becomes the world's most wanted man and framed a terrorist. As Alex flees from the people who want him dead, he comes across mysterious tourists, government agents and locals who proclaim to be his aid. Alex must decide who to trust in order to survive.
ALEX is an Action, Thriller film depicting the scare of a nuclear crisis through the eyes of an everyday Joe.
- Is the Concept strong/original?
The concept is pretty strong and compelling. It's full of twist and turns that drive the story and make it original but high concept enough that any fan of action/thrillers will enjoy.
- Does the logline/first ten pages draw the reader?
The logline is on point and the first ten pages set things up to be VERY enticing. Things are set up properly and give enough plot for you to anticipate that things will only get more and more filled with drama and suspense.
- Are scenes well-written?
Most of the scenes are very well written and easy to follow. Towards the final few scenes things become a bit complicated with all the double-crossing and backstabbing, but with attentive reading, it shouldn't be much of an issue to keep up with.
There are some points that feel a bit unrealistic, but nothing that brings you out of the story -- more just things that an anal viewer would pick up on and nitpick. (ex. A gun being drawn by Mr.B [who doesn't have much relevance at this point] while he's surrounded by armed military men. Like, why didn't they just shoot him?). It's more me looking for plot holes than there actually being any prominent ones.
The one thing I will say is that I do feel like there were moments that should've been expounded on. A few times where Alex goes from place to place just jump forwards where they could've spent time showing how he got there.
- Is the protagonist/antagonist compelling enough?
Alex wasn't the best protagonist -- he was definitely more passive than active for most of the script. Things just seem to be happening to him, causing him to react in some ways that don't seem genuine to him, but believable enough that you don't notice it. Sayed was an amazing antagonist -- I'm actually saddened that he didn't end up playing things out as being the central (or final) antagonist. Argus wasn't as dominant on paper as Sayed, even though he ended up being the big boss/mastermind.
- Does the character drive the story? Do you feel for the character?
Alex's situation makes him feel like a victim turned hero, which definitely makes you feel for him. There are a few moments where he comes off like a dick by saying and doing some things that feel out of character (at least for what his background sets him up to be), but they can easily be flipped into moments of compassion and care that would turn things around.
- Does the dialogue drive the story/character?
Most of the dialogue flows and feels on point. But one critique is that everyone comes off as American -- everyone feels like they have the same voice even though for the most part all majority of the characters aren't.
- Is the conflict real/genuine?
The stakes rise as the pages turn. A well put together action/thriller.
Things run at a high pace without a beat being missed.
- Does the Climax/Resolution satisfy the reader?
The climax plays out perfect with a final turn that I wasn't at all expecting. I actually wish there would've been a little more to see what the fallout of that final twist was.
- Does the script read well?
It reads extremely well. It's definitely a page-turner without any prominent inconsistencies.
I can’t tell if you are taking this as a serious action drama, or is this a tongue-in-cheek light adventure from the 1980s? It feels like a 13 year old wrote this from limited knowledge of the world that is only through old movies and books. The dialogue is off, too Americanized, and too on the nose. It’s just poor writing, with a tremendous amount of grammatical errors. All of the characters speak as though they are all Americans even though the majority are from other countries. The locals in Tunis and other places speak American. The local television stations in those foreign countries are speaking American. Did you think any of this through?
Now you have a decent idea but you have a lot of work to do to make this realistic if that is your intent. I have given you a bunch of notes but it only covers half of the work you need to do to fix this awkward script. There is a reason we laugh at 80s movies today. Their action is over the top and unrealistic, the dialogue is from the 50s and lacks the seriousness of the situation, and the relationships are poorly developed. Unless your intention was to create a parody of that type of era movie, this script will not work in the 21st century. From your summary it appears this is not a parody. And the twists that you worked out at the end is just a last minute reveal, there are no hints or puzzles for the audience to solve along the way for this to be a Thriller.