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The Sacrifice

Short

A young girl must make the ultimate sacrifice in order to appease the one she loves.

Approved
Winner
Draft #4
Winner
Draft #4
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Drama,Horror | 2 Reviews | 4 pages | 1 month ago | Draft 4

Summary

The idea stemmed from watching this excellent short, https://vimeo.com/133284149, and it got me thinking about several other films that quite often start out as drama and then turn into a genre piece and I thought it would be interesting if there was something that started out as a genre piece but then turned into more of a straight-up drama.<br /> <br /> The general premise is that a young girl got pregnant and has to abort it without her mother finding out because she is a controlling dance coach who wants her daughter to become a top dancer.<br /> <br /> So, the idea is to at first present it as an all out horror. Get the audience to think that the young girl is aborting her unborn child as a sacrifice to some kind of demon. 'The Sacrifice' would appear on screen in a blood-red, horror font. There'll be typically suspenseful horror-esque score, the lighting and camera angles/movement will all reinforce the horror idea. One of my questions would be how much of this should I include in the scene description. I have some lighting description in there but am hesitant to add any camera movement (we creep along etc) incase it becomes overkill for the reader, and obviously the score is never described in the screenplay. Though I feel these would all be key elements in getting the viewer to buy into the horror aspect of the story.<br /> <br /> The trophies and medals that are in the girls room are the equivalent of the crosses on the walls and the bottles of holy water in the fridge. I feel cause I'm essentially doing things the other way round, my choice to include the trophies early on when we're still in the horror part of the story perhaps sticks out too much, though I'm unsure of how to foreshadow this in any other way.,<br /> Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

Reviews

I want to start off by saying I am as “amateur” as it comes to screenplays.

Knowing this, just be aware that my comments only represent what I have self taught myself from videos and online.

I do feel it’s important for multiple eyes to look over ones work, that’s why I enjoy this website.

These are strictly my suggestions and observations, so definitely not set in stone.

1. The story definitely sets a mood off the bat. You feel every...

1 month ago | read more...
Eddie Listisen Top Reviewer
The whole script is written well. Most of the action is kept tight.
The reader can see just about everything that's going on.
I enhoyed reading it.
Yet there are two problems: 1) the author wrote she puts on pants. How can we see the blood trickling down her thigh later then? He should have written she puts on shorts. Or she just puts on panties. She's wearing a big T-shirt anyway.
2) The Ending...
I would have chosen to stop at a point wher...

1 month ago | read more...

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A young girl must make the ultimate sacrifice in order to appease the one she loves.
A young girl must make the ultimate sacrifice in order to appease the one she loves.
A young girl must make the ultimate sacrifice in order to appease the one she loves.