Ol Bitty Bangers Feature

By gbspangler

Three 'greatest generation' women get the help of a local thug to dive into a life of crime preventing foreclosure of their private assisted living home which will, in turn, keep the other residents there from being evicted and homeless.

Rating

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Genre: Comedy
Downloads: 3
No. Reviews: 1 | Length: 96 pages

Published: 1 month ago

Pitch

On the verge of foreclosure, three Golden Girls get the help from Boyz n the Hood and turn to a life of crime until they have enough Benjamins to pay off Shady Mortgage. But can they stop living that ‘thug’ life?

Janet, Esther, and Sheila have been friends since they were teenagers. Now in their eighties they have just experienced the loss of their friend and flatmate, Tanaka. Tanaka left the one thing that meant the most to all of them - a historic San Francisco painted lady house that was more than enough room for the four of them and was also a private assisted living residence to a handful of their friends. Since Tanaka was a successful pediatrician, she had paid off the house in full or that is what the ladies thought.

What Janet, Esther and Sheila did not know was that Tanaka had taken out a reverse mortgage to take all of them on a vacation to travel the world. Instead of a vacation they were about to be homeless. They went to the Shady Mortgage office in person and pleaded but the loan officer would have none of it. In two weeks they would have to raise sixty thousand dollars. They tried to sell some of their antique items but could only get a few hundred dollars. It seemed like it couldn't get worse but it did.

One night they were robbed and held at gunpoint by a man who insisted they must have more money in the house because of how huge it was. He realized they were actually poor when he looked at Sheila’s ugly open-toed shoes. As it turns out the robber was Lonnie, the younger brother of a local neighbor. Instead of turning him in, Janet decided she would have Lonnie train them up to rob houses to get the money they needed. He went along with the plan.

Lonnie had them trained in self defence, shooting at the local gun range, and most importantly, how to walk and use profanity like a thug so they would be taken seriously. They also went to the Goodwill thrift store to buy leather outfits to look tough, track suits to run quickly, and videos like “New Jack City”, “Scarface”,and “Charlie’s Angels”. They robbed a sewing store so they could use that as a ‘front’ for all the money they were about to make.

After committing several robberies that was more than enough to pay off Shady Mortgage, they just couldn’t stop living the ‘thug’ life. They were now the target of several crime families, Shady Mortgage, and the police. Instead of living in Tanaka’s huge house they end up in a customized 3 bedroom suite inside the ‘big house’.

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This is a hit and miss comedy. There is some severe situations (like rape) that would not work in a PG13 movie. Is this a black comedy? If not, for a comedy this doesn’t have enough laughs. There are some scenes you do a great job, I can picture the comedy. But much of the time it reads like a weak TV show. If these are old women where is the physical comedy? They aren’t nimble, they aren’t strong, they aren’t fast. You are going to have to work on upping the stakes in each scene, which will set up the absurdity that generates laughs.

There are movies that have done this senior crime theme, Going In Style came out last year for example. The key difference is the seniors stuck it to the bank that cheated them of their pension. Your story has the women sticking it to… society? If you want to include a social justice message then that would be an amazing comedy. But I don’t see that is your point other than there brief speech when they are arrested.

You have done a fine job developing scenes and the dialogue and tone matched the characters. The story develops nicely and the script reads pretty well. Your logline does not match the script. In the script it talks about their home, which is not being kept up, and not an assisted living home – because other than Gordon no one is ever at the house with the leads in the script.

If they are from the Greatest Generation then they are in their late 70s to mid 80s. Most would have a hard time holding up a semi-automatic weapons let alone have the strength to shoot accurately. Now this is a comedy so real world physics don’t need to come into play. But having them shoot inaccurately ALL the time would be funny. By playing out their physical limitations, along with people’s soft approach to old women, they could get away with a lot.

  • 1 week ago
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