Anonymous - Episode 1: Pilot Short

By jaydenchatman

When everything seems like it’s going well for these privileged, suburban teens... an old secret resurfaces from an anonymous twitter account.


Rating is only available to members
Genre: Drama
No. Reviews: 4 | Length: 17 pages
Published: 5 months ago


If Pretty Little Liars and I Know What You Did Last Summer had a baby... it would be ANONYMOUS.

ANONYMOUS takes the lives of the rich, suburban teens and turns them upside down when a murder they committed in the fall, resurfaces. How will they balance their last year of high school, romances, family drama, and covering a murder? Guess you’ll have to find out.

ANONYMOUS will keep you on your toes from start to finish EVERY EPISODE, and leave you hungry for more!

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This isn't a short story, it's a TV script.

The story had several inconsistencies. The dialogue was too on the nose and at times just straight up cliché'd. There were too many moments where I felt like I was reading a novel based on the descriptions of unimportant colors or thoughts they were having that couldn't be conveyed on a screen.

The pacing was fair, although there felt like tons of information was missing. I like the concept but it just seemed too unbelievable -- especially trying way they brushed the situation off like they didn't just kill a guy.

  • 2 months ago
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  • 1.75

On the issue of concept, it is a good one but could be better.
Honestly the moment I read the first page I realised the script isn't going to be as interesting as I thought it would be.
Then the scenes. They are well written but could be better. The flashback kinda paused me on the story.
Honestly the fours teenagers weren't compelling at all. They were just sitting and chatting. Make them do something.
And their dialogue is good but could be better. You gotta find a way to make them talk more like teenagers.
If there is conflict here, I don't see it.
And the climax is supposed to be the message about been followed on twitter but I'm not buying that. It's just not interesting to me.

  • 2 months ago
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  • 2.75

I can assume by the writing that you are new to the game and probably a teenager yourself.

I’m wondering if you’ve seen the film
“I Know What You Did Last Summer” as your story line is very similar.

Upon opening the script I noticed an immediate typo which discouraged me from reading any further but I did plié through the script, it being the first one I am reading on this site.

Pliot. (Pilot)

Is this for a TV series or for a feature film (or short)?

There are ideas in your script such as when the character is thinking and you write this as action. A golden rule in screenwriting is to write what you see.

You can’t see their thoughts. You can suggest it by action rather than words. Like shrugging ones shoulders or frowning or ... but also be careful with too much direction of the character.
I will commend you on finishing the script but is the script finished? We know nothing about the ‘stalker.’

You did do a fairly good job at developing characters but I would suggest going even further by giving them special quirks.

Overall, your script needs work. You need to edit out those thoughts and study formatting. I was immediately turned off by the typo and the improper formatting and this script, as is, would not get very far with a reader let alone an agent or producer. Keep. Plugging essay though. The talent is there. You just need to reel it in and hone it. Good luck. And Write On!

  • 2 months ago
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  • 2

I believe your idea can be salvaged. Although no idea is truly new or original, the ones that stand out come with some noticeable originality. I would try harder with creative a more lucrative story then the typical, "burried secret resurfaces and threatens the lives of those who burried it." Your script format was impressive however, in a script, try not to be so descriptive, ie: golden door knobs, or wardrobe. That will be left up to the director and other production members. I liked the character development via flashback. I also thought your dialogue was too foretelling and very cliché. All in all, even though it lacks originality, it has the potential to blossom as a TVs series. TV series can be twisted until the idea completely morphs into something new.

  • 2 months ago
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  • 2.5