Wanna See
1

The homies

Short

Friends are forever

Approved
Nominee
Draft #1
Rating is only available to members
Drama | 12 Reviews | 10 pages | 11 months ago | Draft 1

Summary

5 friends all trying to balance the weight of their personal lives and maintain a healthy friendship

Reviews


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I got 3 pages in and gave up. This isn't formatted or done by someone who understands screenplay formatting.

8 months ago | read more...
Concept is not strong enough.
The first ten pages didn't draw me in.
The plot is not very good.
The protagonist or should I say protagonists are not interesting at all.
Scenes are not written well at all.
Dialogue is not well written.

5 months ago | read more...
I thought this was pretty good, and could probably be even better.

5 months ago | read more...
This is not how a screenplay is formatted. Google "Screenplay formatting" and then go to WriterDuet.com and start over again. There are far too many errors in formatting to be worth going through and correcting.

5 months ago | read more...
PROS
THEME. The theme of friendship and sticking together is one that anyone can relate to so it has a lot of potential whether with people reminiscing about the times they had that kind of experience, those living it and those yearning for it.

MALIKIH. Malikih's character was well-developed, he had a distinct voice, he was credible and he was compelling.

SUGGESTIONS FOR IMPROVEMENT
YOUR INTENT. There are a number of questions you should...

3 months ago | read more...
First of all the format is completely wrong and it would probably not even be read at a competition or by an agent. Download a free scriptwriting software like Trelby to fix that. Also there were many grammatical errors. For example "When y'all make it big and get out of here, what will that leave with with?". Also when describing a scene you can't narrate stuff like it is a book for example "Their neighborhood was a busy one, always cars coming...

2 months ago | read more...
1- No title page, every single screenplay should have a title page, you just have the title on the first page.
2- “intro” you don’t “intro” a screenplay, you would do a voice over before you fade in. you also need to point out who is talking. Everytime.
3- No slug line. Every scene needs a slug line.
4- (Scene 1. Ralph wakes up and washes his face, brushes his teeth. Walks into the kitchen and pours a bowl of cereal, then someone knocks on the...

2 months ago | read more...
Chase Doerscher Top Reviewer
That was definitely an interesting experience reading this script, I felt as though your strongest strength is the choice of words that you used throughout the short story. You used words made the characters fit in that particular world, that they seemed to have come from a working -class mentality in most respects. The choice of words made the world, I understood the world that you were trying to portray and you succeeded in bringing this world...

4 weeks ago | read more...
That was definitely an interesting concept. I felt as though your strongest strength is the choice of words that you used throughout the short story. The dialogue made the characters fit in that particular world, that they seemed to have come from a working class mentality in most respects.

I found the friendship between the characters to flow quite roughly throughout the story, starting a lot of the conversations with a question. If these c...

4 weeks ago | read more...
This script was, let me say this, an EYESORE. It wasn't in the correct font, correct format, and there was so many spelling errors. I couldn't even make it past the first few pages. Can you please look up how to properly format a script for my sanity and for everyone on this form's sanity? I know you have a good story to tell, but before you work on that, please learn how to format a script PROPERLY. If you can't, than I hate to be harsh, but you...

1 week ago | read more...
It's hard to read a script that's not really written as a script. Unfortunately, that's my bottom line, and thereby pretty much all I've got to say here.

If the author wants to get this read as a script, step one is to format it as a script. There's no way around that. Industry standard is industry standard for a reason.

In fact, reading badly presented work goes to show how much of a difference proper formatting makes to the digestibility...

1 week ago | read more...

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