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Villain

Feature

A supervillain and vigilante fall for each other while trying to please their feuding fathers.

Approved
Winner
Draft #1
Rating is only available to members
Comedy | 3 Reviews | 110 pages | 11 months ago | Draft 1

Summary

Think if Batman and Joker had kids who take up their mantles but the kids fall for each other.

Reviews

Your logline has conflict but it is a love story? You labeled the kids as SV and V but it’s their fathers that have established those identities. We will empathize with the children with once you show their lives. So the logline could read: What if Romeo and Juliet’s fathers were superheroes? Now this is not necessarily a good logline in and of itself. But if the reader knows who R&J are, and what a superhero is, then it’s going to spur...

7 months ago | read more...
San Dane Top Reviewer
Awesome screenplay. I really enjoyed reading it. It was humorous the whole way through.

Dialog was great. Structure was great. So I’m not going to waste time on those topics. I’ll focus on some plot points and other minor details.

THINGS I REALLY HOPE YOU CHANGE:
• It was hard for me to believe that at sixteen years old, Sallie is going to give up training to be a hero because of a broken jaw. It was set up the whole time that she seemed t...

7 months ago | read more...
awe1 Top Reviewer
Concept is good but could be made better. The first ten pages is all right. It kept me reading.
Scenes are well written by your standards but I know that they could be made better.
Protagonist is interesting but could be better.
Conflict is original. Kudos.
Dialogue is good. It would be better made better if the villain limits the number of times he calls himself villain.
Action lines are very good.
Climax is disappointing. I just had to pu...

4 months ago | read more...

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