ScriptMother

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Charm City Paranormal
by Grant Miller
59 pages
Chain Link (Work in Progress)
by Cyle Brooks
38 pages
Chain Link (Work in Progress)
by Cyle Brooks
38 pages
Mad Talent
by Cyle Brooks
7 pages

SCRIPT OF THE MONTH WINNERS

All winners receive FREE professional coverage from Blaise Hesselgren.
Cyle Brooks just purchased a review. Claim it here
44 minutes ago
Mad Talent short
Genre: Comedy,Horror
Logline: A schizophrenic man loses his sanity after his singing audition for a talent show goes wrong.
Cyle Brooks just purchased a review. Claim it here
45 minutes ago
Mad Talent short
Genre: Comedy,Horror
Logline: A schizophrenic man loses his sanity after his singing audition for a talent show goes wrong.
Cyle Brooks just purchased a review. Claim it here
45 minutes ago
Chain Link (Work in Progress) feature
Genre: Horror
Logline: Teens learn the hard way that if they don't comply and pass on the messages, they pay the price for breaking the link.
Cyle Brooks just purchased a review. Claim it here
45 minutes ago
Chain Link (Work in Progress) feature
Genre: Horror
Logline: Teens learn the hard way that if they don't comply and pass on the messages, they pay the price for breaking the link.
Cyle Brooks completed a review for
46 minutes ago
Cyle Brooks just claimed a review for a script.
1 hour ago
The Photograph short
Genre: Mystery/Suspense,Horror,Thriller
Logline: One simple photograph can change a person's life, for better or worse.
Grant Miller uploaded a script.
1 hour ago
Quite Beautiful short
Genre: Horror
Logline: Everyone is telling him to look at the moon. Every instinct tells him not to.
Grant Miller uploaded a script.
1 hour ago
A Lifetime Supply short
Genre: Comedy
Logline: Years after the fall of civilization, the monthly shipments still arrive on time. No matter where Jone's finds himself in this harsh new world, milk's favorite cookie will find him.
Grant Miller just claimed a review for a script.
1 hour ago
SVF vs. The Hunter: The Movie (First 10) short
Genre: Action/Adventure,Horror,Thriller
Logline: Place your best 'cause this is gonna be one hell of a showdown.
Grant Miller completed a review for
2 hours ago
Family Tradition television
Genre: Comedy
Review Rating:

This is a good attempt at a familiar sitcom. There are several glaring issues with formation that need to be addressed, however. Right out of the gate, the watermark. Holy cow, get rid of it. Not only is it a bit obnoxious, it completely detracts from the actual material in the writing. Secondly, your dialogue comes off very stiff and awkward in parts. None of the characters really talk like humans, sitcom or not. Think about the market you would be trying to break in to and consider how to set yourself apart from the other thousand sitcoms on TV. The dialogue is where you should be able to do so with this story but it needs serious work. Additionally, your formatting is not quite right. For one, there seem to be empty spaces where there should not be. Take a look though the script and find any blank lines. You may end up losing a page in doing so. In the same vain as formatting, there were a few instances where the action dictated a scene change such as walking upstairs but the change in scene did not come with a new slug. In regards to my previous note regarding the premise; keep in mind how many other sitcoms have successfully covered the subject you are pitching. Now consider how many sitcoms did not make it to series. You have an uphill climb. This script needs to be workshopped hard if you want to break through the mold. Keep working at it, I believe that you have the skeleton of a good story, you just need to work on the connective tissue.

Grant Miller just claimed a review for a script.
2 hours ago
Family Tradition television
Genre: Comedy
Logline: Betty’s daughter Tammy moves back in after her boyfriend dumped her, now she’s raising her adult children and grandchild
Grant Miller just claimed a review for a script.
2 hours ago
Perform: Center Stage (First 15) short
Genre: Drama,Horror,Thriller
Logline: Hope you liked the first act, because now it's time for the grand finale!
Hunter Huiet just claimed a review for a script.
8 hours ago
Three Flags over Santa Gertrudis feature
Genre: Action/Adventure,Drama,History
Logline: A wealthy Spanish family fights to preserve Spain then supports an independent Mexico and finally defeats Santa Anna at San Jacinto in order to protect their lands, property and legacy.
Abdirizak Hirsi uploaded a script.
8 hours ago
The Good Deed feature
Genre: Drama,Family
Logline: Anna finds out his father is diagnosed with lung cancer,, she decides to find a way to beat it.
Sepehr Golmakani just claimed a review for a script.
20 hours ago
Perform: Center Stage (First 15) short
Genre: Drama,Horror,Thriller
Logline: Hope you liked the first act, because now it's time for the grand finale!
Cyle Brooks just purchased a review. Claim it here
21 hours ago
Perform: Center Stage (First 15) short
Genre: Drama,Horror,Thriller
Logline: Hope you liked the first act, because now it's time for the grand finale!
Cyle Brooks just purchased a review. Claim it here
21 hours ago
Perform: Center Stage (First 15) short
Genre: Drama,Horror,Thriller
Logline: Hope you liked the first act, because now it's time for the grand finale!
Cyle Brooks uploaded a script.
21 hours ago
Perform: Center Stage (First 15) short
Genre: Drama,Horror,Thriller
Logline: Hope you liked the first act, because now it's time for the grand finale!

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