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The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
by Luis Rivera
35 pages
Babes in Toyland
by Luis Rivera
52 pages
SVF: Reborn (First 15)
by Cyle Brooks
15 pages

SCRIPT OF THE MONTH WINNERS

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Cult Kid
by JONATHAN BARBOUR
23 pages television
Hit Like a Girl
by Kelly Smith
23 pages short
Tevin Brown just joined ScriptMother!
21 hours ago
Jeffrey Gilman uploaded a script.
1 day ago
Ruby feature
Genre: Thriller
Logline: Ruby witnesses her mother get killed by a man from a near by logging camp. The body count rises as Ruby and friends set out for revenge on the appalachian mountan.
Jeffrey Gilman just joined ScriptMother!
1 day ago
Samuel Nkwume uploaded a script.
1 day ago
Game Of Fear feature
Genre: Thriller
Logline: A haunted, agoraphobic teen, must confront his fear of the outside world, in order to reveal the truth behind the mysterious death of a family member.
Taylor Ankers just joined ScriptMother!
1 day ago
Justin Eastman uploaded a script.
1 day ago
World War Time feature
Genre: History,Sci-Fi/Fantasy,War
Logline: The United States' entire existence is at stake
Justin Eastman just joined ScriptMother!
1 day ago
Cyle Brooks just purchased a review. Claim it here
3 days ago
SVF: Reborn (First 15) short
Genre: Action/Adventure,Horror,Thriller
Logline: Slaying demons and kicking ass are his specialty.
Cyle Brooks completed a review for
4 days ago
Samuel Nkwume just joined ScriptMother!
4 days ago
JONATHAN BARBOUR completed a review for
4 days ago
Sam and Sofia television
Genre: Animation,Comedy
Review Rating:

I like how this imagination land is filled with the kids, I think it might be even funnier if you have us spend more time with the kids before they go to imagination land. Are they quiet, loud reserved, etc. Maybe there's a really quiet kid in the class who becomes incredibly loud and chaotic in the imagination world. Spend more time establishing the world before you subvert it. Like the goofy energy of your script. Reminded me of Rugrats, how something very mundane seems intense from a child's perspective. Pg. 4. When Aaron sees the third graders, I think you should have them do a funny actions. Maybe they're screaming, picking their noses, doing something a child would, except now they're in these cool motorized death cars. Pg. 6 Show Jake being a selfish jerk, don't just tell us about it. Maybe he was cheating on his test or hocking spitballs at another classmate. Pg. 16 Cute how Jake sabotages himself by yelling out his master plan. I really like your story, but it might be more effective to chance the setting from a school to a local playground. The kids have lots of toys and equipment that you wouldn't normally see at a playground for elementary children (especially the tape, shopping carts, and nerf guns). You'd be able to get away with a lot of wackier items and props for the kids if you're somewhere besides a school. I think you have a set-up for a great series. Constantly jumping between a mundane world and the imagination of a child sounds very entertaining. You'd be able to to create and parody a lot of really interesting scenarios.

I N just joined ScriptMother!
5 days ago
Valentin Aleksandrov just claimed a review for a script.
5 days ago
Lollipop feature
Genre: Crime,Thriller,Action/Adventure
Logline: In 1958, a small town sharp-shooter becomes the third in a trio of female robbers, led by a violent, unpredictable psychopath, to pursue a foreseeable fortune along their road trip of crime and destruction.
Cyle Brooks just claimed a review for a script.
6 days ago
Cult Kid television
Genre: Comedy,Sci-Fi/Fantasy
Logline: A teenage boy is forced to be a part of the family cult when all he wants to do is be normal and go to school.
Kelly Smith completed a review for
1 week ago
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland feature
Genre: Family,Sci-Fi/Fantasy
Review Rating:

It's been a long time since I read Lewis Carroll's two classics, as it has been since seeing the two successful versions Disney has made of the tale... the animated 1951 classic and the Oscar-winning Tim Burton live-action film. As such, I am familiar with the world and characters, but only passingly so. My recollection of the books is that they were full of weird quirkiness and wonderful language... "The Jabberwocky" remains a favorite poem of mine. The old 1951 film was weird absurdity made accessible for a '50s Disney audience... so long as Alice remained a relatably normal surrogate, they could get away with a lot. And the 2010 version... I remember it won Oscars for Costumes and Art Direction and very deservedly so. I remember little about the movie other than I wasn't bored and it was a fun feast for the eyes, in other words, a mid-range Tim Burton movie. I say all of this because you have taken on an intellectual property, so I think it's important to give context of the strengths and weaknesses of that property. I like Alice in Wonderland, I expect kid-friendly weirdness, verbal wit, quirkily absurd characters, and lots of imagination. The weakness of the property is that it has always been light on plot or deep characterization. As such, no one really remembers what the story was about. These are the elements which I would want to see and the issues that would need to be fought for a successful update to occur. The first scene of the script gave me great hope that this would occur. A wrap-around involving Lewis Carroll and his precocious niece Alice is a great way to get us into the story. I am reminded of the opening to 1935's BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN. This scene has charm, wit, character... and then we go into Wonderland and the goodwill built up by that one scene is quickly gone. My complaint with the bulk of the script is that it is not a film script. It might well be a viable stage production, but tit is not at present a movie. This is made obvious because it is formatted as a play. In a film script, we would have description of what we are seeing, which is important because a script tells the craftsmen what to make and the audience what cool stuff they are going to see, which is a big part of what an audience wants from an Alice in Wonderland movie. Next, the script is dialogue-driven to the point wherein I'm not watching a movie, I[m reading a play. It si not structured like a film, in the sense that I don;t get a driving narrative. It just goes from one character to the next, without Alice having any driving motive. Now, this is a drawback of the initial property, as Alice is a pretty passive protagonist on paper, but it is also a flaw of the property that would need to be conquered to make a good movie. On stage, or in print, not such a big deal. On film, deadly, not to have a central driving motive for the lead, or at least to be aware that you'll have to get around this issue. Another issue for a film is that I didn't feel we got introduced to any of these characters she meets. Of course, we all know them in concept, the Caterpillar, the Mad Hatter, the Queen of Hearts, but we don't know your version of them. As a result, my investment is minimal. Final problem is one I imagine any musical will have, I don't know what the music is for the songs, so that makes the whole thing hard to grasp. Ah, well, nothing I suppose that can be done about that. Final analysis: good opening. But is this a stage musical or a film. If it's the former, fine. I'm not the person to judge that. If it's the latter, then this needs to be rewritten as a film script.

Kelly Smith just claimed a review for a script.
1 week ago
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland feature
Genre: Family,Sci-Fi/Fantasy
Logline: When a Victorian girl sets foot through a magic mirror, she partakes a curious journey.
JONATHAN BARBOUR just claimed a review for a script.
1 week ago
Sam and Sofia television
Genre: Animation,Comedy
Logline: A new roundabout is installed in the school playground and all the kids are dying to use it, turning the playground into a post-apocalyptic wasteland.
Ramvines D'Souza just joined ScriptMother!
1 week ago
Tokelo Monesa just joined ScriptMother!
1 week ago

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