I like the story idea, but I would like to see a resolution at the end. Also, maybe provide more explanation of how the app works, its business model, and how they discuss their own revenue metrics vs. whether to accept the offer. I didn't understand how she was discouraged that Dad couldn't make progress the 2nd time, but then suddenly he's walking the 3rd time. The first time the script mentions vitallink, it wasn't clear that was a company where they work, or why it was called "origin". The immediate flashback on page 1 isn't usually recommended. In this case, viewers might be confused if the 14-year old girl is the younger Riley, or maybe a neighbor or cousin.